A Modest Proposal

“…and look, know that I hear you. I understand your argument. This is a problem we all want solved. But I gotta ask, have we considered just doing drugs about it?”

There are slow nods around the table, a tense silence urging the speaker to continue.

“…because if we do drugs about it… it’s not our problem anymore. Not really. Eventually we’ll BECOME someone else’s problem. I think we can all agree that’s more desirable than this fucking meeting. I think we can all agree that solving problems is less desirable than being problems ourselves.”

There are more aggressive nods from around the table, some mumbles of “Oh my god, he’s right” from the back. Someone in the room smacks the table and shouts, “Hear, hear!”

“So that’s why I move that we adjourn this awful meeting! Take lunch! And once we’re all refreshed, we come back and see what drugs, exactly, can help us avoid this problem. Then we move to do that!”

The boardroom erupts into applause and whistles. Executives carry the speaker on their shoulders out of the boardroom, shouting, “Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil!”

Phil being, presumably, the speaker’s name.

Be awfully weird if it weren’t.

The author of this post does not endorse the doing of drugs as a solution to life’s problems. Please contact your doctor for permission before doing drugs. This post is intended for comedic expression only and does not represent the views of Travis Templeton or Templeton Industries.

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